I find it difficult to talk about my difficulties.
There are many reasons for this, and you may know them too. There never seems to be a good time. It’s hard to find the words to express it. You don’t know how others will react. Vulnerability is scary.
Why is it so difficult? I believe it has to do with the culture around us, which emphasizes optimism and faith. Even the world tells us to stay positive and energetic because people only want to surround themselves with those who are happy, which isn’t inherently bad. However, we may be taking this to extremes.
We don’t want to be judged. We don’t want to feel ashamed. If someone saw our difficulties, which are often closely linked to how we perceive ourselves, we would be rejected.
Jesus Christ does not want us to hide or minimize our own burdens. Although we often quote the following well-known scripture from the Book of Mormon, do we truly understand it?
« Since ye desire to enter into the sheepfold of God and be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light » ( Mosiah 18:8 ).
Much more could be said about how we can create safe spaces for people to express their difficulties. However, I would like to focus on how these challenges we face can dispel feelings of being a burden and create space for others when they seek help.
Don’t apologize
Have you ever apologized for your vulnerability or your emotions?
I’m sorry for crying. I’m sorry for taking all this out on you now. I’m sorry for taking up so much of your time.
Apologizing at these times can transform what could be moments of connection into moments of shame. Our actions are immediately labeled as wrong and wrong. Instead of apologizing, try saying « thank you » instead.
Thank you for letting me cry on your shoulder. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for spending time with me.
Don’t lie
It’s not always easy to tell the truth about our feelings and what we’re going through. Instead of facing the emotional difficulty when we try to express ourselves, we lie. It’s okay. We’re tired. Everything’s fine. There are many ways to hide the truth.
Do your best not to lie. However, we don’t have to reveal our most personal feelings every time someone asks us how we are, but we can learn to tell the truth in an appropriate way. Here are some examples:
My mental health has really suffered lately. I haven’t been sleeping well; I’m finding it hard not to be able to use my brain at night. It’s difficult to stay motivated.
Be specific
Chances are, the people in your life will be happy to help you. Try to identify specific things you need so you can ask for help clearly and honestly. This will help those around you feel less intimidated and more confident in serving you. Think about support needs that others can help with, so you’ll always have something to say when they ask if they can help.
Find strong shoulders
Not everyone is necessarily equipped or willing to carry your burden with you. It’s important to turn to those who have a heart and mind ready to serve. How do you find someone with strong shoulders to help you carry your burdens? Here are three suggestions:
- First, someone with strong shoulders will listen to you actively. They won’t interrupt, get distracted, or monopolize the conversation. They won’t make abrupt or critical remarks. While they might offer ideas, they won’t just throw solutions in your face or tell you you’re overreacting.
- Then, someone with strong shoulders will remember what you discussed and ask how you are doing. When they see you, they’ll take stock and ask specific questions about your difficulties.
- Ultimately, someone with strong shoulders will act without you asking. If they notice one of your needs or if you’ve told them about your difficulties, they’ll take the initiative to help you. They won’t feel obligated to act or wait until you beg them to do so.
If you have felt like a burden to others, how have you overcome or worked through those feelings?
The original version of this article was written by Aleah Ingram, published on ldsdaily.com and translated by Nathalie.
